Derailed
My detention began after a KLM flight in from Amsterdam, after a silent alarm rang upon my passport, apparently flagged in the system as stolen
I confirm my identity with a surfer's-tan-18-year-old-Californian drivers' license--also confiscated--but insofar as proving my identity as a genuine Brody Mulligan, this was not enough. I'd been to many parts of the Commonwealth, and proudly to "classic" Ireland, after I called and reported my passport stolen two years ago from Austin, nervously leaning on the concrete the street opposite as free food was boiled and given to beer among the bros. When I got it back, thanks to Austin's Finest, I was told by an employee of the Secretary of state that the passport would still be valid for travel so long as (of course) I didn't file the form I was supposed to. I traveled to the United Kingdom in January of 2009, not to mention Ireland and the Netherlands (oh, Canada, also) but somehow--just now--this had this become a problem.
I wanted to know what the reality of the situation was--but my question's answer was not something I'll soon forget. Two officers explaining that nothing was wrong--I wasn't under arrest, just "detained"--with my wrists zip-tied round my back like some cider-drunk scally in a riot van, and it was in these worrying restraints that I was forced from one area to another, the first having been a waiting room with children's books, magazines, and newspapers...almost like a clinic. The second an interrogation room which was freezing cold, small, and uncomfortable. It was there I stayed--alone for an hour, perhaps two. I couldn't be for sure.
Never mind that I held a work permit...my rail-card at the address I stated...all affirmed and verified with my friend. I use the word sincerely. Who else but Michael Manchunian would wait nine hours for in an airport? Nobody I know here, and I wish I could repay him, but time is something that can never be replaced, and for that, I sometimes cry myself to sleep, thinking about how all of it went so wrong. My best mate, whose hopes perhaps were crushed like mine, as we'd planned on taking the tram, and dropping my things off at his flat, getting drunk in celebration of my arrival to start a new life in Britain. Those plans were derailed.
Consider this a dispatch from terminal two. In the suspicious eyes of the british, a young male, traveling alone with no checked baggage, having an invalid travel document, fumbling through a shivering interview coming down from the two tabs I popped, pills that were practically mandatory for a youths's daytrip in Amsterdam...
Once in solitary detention, I would sit, fiddle my thumbs, silently wipe frustrated tears in the private and rather spacious bathroom as I kicked out thoughts...
"If I could just have access to my bag, I'll end this...down every sedative--six months' worth--and kindly let the polite and docile guards watching me through the glass know I'd be lying down for a nap. In an hour or two, I'd soon fail to breathe. I was tortured by these thoughts, and from Thursday until Saturday this pattern continued.
I was all but convinced I'd become unwelcome in the United Kingdom, but aside from the cunt who started the whole problem, I felt like just another guy chatting it up, my personality lending itself to laughter amongst the casually cautious fellows at my confined room, of sorts, guys who were nothing but kind, dignified, and fully and graciously common, giving me as much respect as I could ask for in my solitary "holding" area; Asking if I needed water, or a blanket, even--when ordering food--asking for my input upon their decision to get pizza, almost convincing me to eat some food, as I'd been unable to eat so much as a bag of crisps or a slice of toast since my time...doing time, if you will.
And so I ate, despite my sinking feeling deep in my stomach, if only for a chance to chat it up. To not be so alone. Excusing myself afterward to the bathroom, vomiting with soft sobs. Why the fuck was I leaning against a tile wall when all I wanted to do was pay taxes, work, and live in a country that by no effort of mine--but of my ancestors through military service--owed it's ass in some ways to the United States' involvement in World War II. I wasn't angry, just disappointed.
Eventually I realized things were growing stagnant, and excised my Blue Genes. A phone call. A twenty-five minute wait. A well dressed man with the British Staff in his crosshairs, like some type of sniper from the American Consulate. And, finally, freedom in the form of a charter flight which had been arranged for me--a nobody--in no more than a matter of hours.
I've not much more to say, other than I'm waiting on my new passport, saving up money for another work permit, and waiting, ready, and willing to get back on another transatlantic flight for another go.
For the time when things align, when I will try again...I'm not giving up my dreams...
Little minds let little things burn big dreams with little flames; and you don't think I understand? But little holes in parachutes won't leave you falling--if they do...it's because you want to land.
("Little" by Andrew McMahon; excerpt)


